Not going to work today?
Need a new excuse to feed the Boss?
Buffalo has collected a wide variety for you to test out!
Excuses;
I once had a co-worker that lived about 10 miles Northwest of town.
After a heavy snow storm, he called in and said he couldn't make it
because of the snow (he drove a 4 wheel drive Jeep).
Another co-worker lived about a mile further North. He made it to work
in his Toyota!
1st worker lost a day's pay.
Dick in Albuquerque
~
Years ago when I was a supervisor one of the women called in to say she
and her husband had gone away for a long weekend and he did not know she was
supposed to work on Monday. She was somewhere in Pennsylvania and we are in the
north western part of Ohio. If I remember she got written up for that one.
While we are on missing work subject one situation I will always
remember is a young man who sold his auto after having worked exactly 20 weeks;
then quit because he no longer had a way to get to work. At that time you needed
at least 20 weeks of work to qualify for unemployment benefits.........What he
did not know was he also had to be unemployed through no fault of his own or
some other reason approved by UC law. OOPS No unemployment benefits for him.
1938 Model
~
We had a guy call in to say that his wife's "temperature" was right and
couldn't come to work. Same guy left early when called from home that a
cat was stuck inside a wall of their house. Both stories were subject to
much verbal abuse by co-workers. Maint. Mgr. Dave
My cat is having a difficult labor and I have to stay home and be the
midwife."
O o
_\_ o Willard F. Schmehl and Elena Paz Luna
~
We had a guy at our plant tell the supervisor that he had death in the
family he got paid for three days.When he came back he was fired they
found out it was his dog.
Jack
~
Dear Buffalo:
As always enjoy reading Buffalo Jokes and Lynn Lynks and getting
news about MI weather and happenings.
My dad, Si Tryon worked for Pere Marquette RR for 18 years and then
worked another ten or more when it was taken over by maybe B&O. On the last
working day before November 15, the section manager would wire that Si needed
November 15 off to bury his Grandmother. After maybe five
years of this, they wired back and asked, "Just how many grandmothers
does Si have?" Uncle Billy wired back: How many first day of Deer
Seasons are there? They never questioned his excuse again.
Hope you have Happy Holidays-Wava
~~~~~
Best Excuse
A guy called into the Volvo Maintenance shop and told the secretary that
his wife was going to get pregnant that evening and he wasn't coming in.
He didn't want to stand in line when he got off. And she gave him an
excused absence. Tom
~
The worst excuse for not coming to work was a guy who called in and said he had
started to work and a rabbit ran across in front of him and
jumped up and hit his fan blade and killed his motor. He was telling his
foreman about it the next day and his foreman just looked at him and
said, could happen.
There was this one man that called in and said he had food poisoning and
the supervisor told him that his brother had called in and said he had
food poisoning too. He said, yeah I caught it from him.
David Moore
~~~
Hi Bill. The best excuse I've heard lately was from an employee who
swears he couldn't come in because his sister, who was visiting from
N.Y.(we are in S.C.)had place his keys in her purse and left for home.
Amazingly enough when she got to N.Y. she mailed them back and he had
them in time to be at work at 0400 the next day.I don't suspect the fact
he had recieved a bonus check the day before had anything to do with his
absence. My hat is off to the USPS for their prompt service. I can
certainly understand how someone could be so upset at not finding their
keys that they would forget to call in. Maybe one day we all should play
hooky and call it National Buffalo Skips Day! Enjoy the holidays.
Luv/Ya. Michael
~~~
One of the better ones I heard was a guy calling
in to say he couldn't
make it because one of his kids died. He forgot to mention that he had
a small herd of goats.
gboyd
~~~~
I started out one night to go to work, and met up with some friends. I
had been recently divorced and was having a good time with my freedom.
We decided to party that night, and so I called the boss and told him I
was just not feeling good at all. I was working as a waitress, and he
accepted my excuse as he did not want someone sick handling the food.
Sometime that night, my daughter called into the restaurant, and asked
to speak to me.
When I got to work the next night, the boss called me into his office, I
wasnt even thinking of being in trouble, as I didnt know my daughter had
called and blown my lie. He told me what had happened, and said he would
let it go this time, but if I ever lied to him again, I could find
another boss to treat that way. He said if I had just told him the
truth, he would have understood and excused me anyway.
It taught me an extremely important lesson, one I never forgot, and I
never lied about being sick again. And whenever I really was sick and
had to call in, I remembered what had happened. Kept me on the straight
and narrow from that time forward.
Charlie
~~~~~
My husband and I were visiting Nashville on our way home and to Ft.
Lauderdale (yes some people do live in Ft. Lauderdale) after dropping
our son off to spend the summer with his grandparents. Pulled up to
Burger King for lunch and This horrible ticking sound could be heard
coming from under the hood. I jumped outta the car first only because my
husband doesn't like to do pee stops and I heard him say "I feel sorry
for the poor SOB that that car belongs to" before running to bathroom I
said " Congratulations it's your car" Anyway, Called in to both
Employers. Blew cylinder in Jeep. Limping back to Indiana to trade car
off was cheaper than towing it to Ft. Lauderdale. Took 3 days to trade
car and 2 very fast days to get from Indy to Ft. Lauderdale. We had a
new car as proof.
Christie in Indiana
~~~
Hi Bill,
I have two long time Favorite excuses for not coming to work. The first
one was from a young lady who called in to say she could not come to
work because she had been out dancing all night, and her legs were worn
out!
The second favorite is from a young lady who could not come to work
because her stove was sparking and the repair man could not get there
until the next day. Unplugging it, was not an option!
Frank in Phoenix
~~~~~~~~
A nurse where I work called to say she would not be in to work because
she had just used her toilet that was freshly cleaned and when her urine
mixed with the toilet bowl cleaner, she was overcome by the fumes. I
think the boss was so awed by her creativity that she allowed the
excuse!
~~~~~~~
Someone actually made a web site - just in case you need an excuse
for anything......
http://www.excuselist.com/
spence
~~~~~~~~
A guy call in to the Shoe factory & told his supervise , He couldn't
come in to work because his water pipes was frozen & it was July.
Myrtle
~~~~~~
Hi Buff,
I once was manger of a jewelry store. One of my female employees called
in to say she was having female problems and that she felt like her
"insides were falling out". Those were her exact words. She did not
work for me much longer after that.
ANNIE
http://community.webtv.net/teddiesntrains/TEDDIESNTRAINS
~~~~~~~~
My family was going to have Grandma's funeral rehearsal
William P.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman I worked with called in that she could not come into work the
day before because the snow was so high she couldn't get out her front
door. My boss asked her about her back door and she said," I didn't
think about that."
Barry S.
~~~~~~
My neighbor, a few years ago, drove a snow plow for the town. Called in
sick as the water on his knee kept freezing. Lost his job !!
Leon S
~~~~~~~~
One time when I was doing electrical work in Atlanta, we had a guy call
in that he woke up this morning throwing up. The only problem is that he
must have forgot that the answering machine that took his call had a
time stamp. It came in at 8:00 P.M Thursday night. Busted!!!!
John D
~~~~~~~~~
When I was driving Taxi in Toronto we had a Driver call in that he could
not make it in as his Father was DEAD, The dispatcher said " Gee Bill we
are sorry to hear that - how many days do you need off ?"
"Oh I'll be in tomorrow, the funeral is not until my normal day
off."
About a couple of weeks later Bill calls in "My mother is dead" and
again the dispatcher gives his condolences and again the mother is to be
buried on his next day off.
The very next day Bill's brother-in-Law came into the office and the
dispatcher said "Gee Bill is sure having some tough breaks, first his
Father died and then his mother died."
What the hell are you talking about - Bill's an orphan,
he never knew his mother or father!"
When the Office Manager asked him about it he said "I didn't lie,
they are both dead, I just didn't say when, and the days I said they
were to be buried I got off a family history from my step-sister.
The Manager said "OK that's twice - don't have a third or you will
be driving for some other outfit."
Bill was a Race Horse follower.
Frank McKerry Vernon, B.C. Canada
~~~~~~~~~
The best work excuse I've heard, and probably the most honest, is
"I'm too tired to come to work today"
Clair
~~~~~~~~
I used this once. I lost my american express card and Karl Malden said
not to leave home without it. Unfortunately it didn't work.
Ken C
~~~~~~~~
My cousin was stationed in Korea during his stint in the Army. One of
the troops had requested, and received, emergency leave due to the death
of his grandfather. Then, again for his second grandfather. The First
Sergeant became highly suspicious when the troop again asked for
emergency leave due to the death of his grandfather. Apparently, he was
a better liar than a mathematician.
Note: I really doubt that this happened. Generally, if not always, the
military unit would verify such requests through the American Red Cross.
Thought it was a good story, though.
CBO
~~~~~~~~
Buff,
Someone may have sent these to you already, but just in case:
Jing's
These are actual excuses workers gave for missing work.
* I was sprayed by a skunk.
* I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious.
* My bus broke down and was held up by robbers.
* I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity.
* I forgot to come back to work after lunch.
* I couldn't find my shoes.
* I hurt myself bowling.
* I was spit on by a venomous snake.
* I totaled my wife's jeep in a collision with a cow.
* A hit man was looking for me.
* My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hair-
dresser.
* I eloped.
* My brain went to sleep and I couldn't wake it up.
* My cat unplugged my alarm clock.
* I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial.
* I forgot what day of the week it was.
* Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night.
~~~~~~~~~~
One of the best excuses I ever heard, was when my mate went on someone's 21st
birthday - on an all day bender... trouble is, he was so well oiled, he ended up
going on holiday with him down Cornwall (UK), there and then when they came out
of the nightclub... which was some 350 miles or so away - from where he lived!
Apparently he woke up the next morning not knowing where the hell he
was, and much the worse for the imbibing.
By the time he had come round sufficiently well enough to catch a train
back home, it was nearing midnight. He made it back to his place, fell
asleep and didn't surface until around 6pm the next day.
Well, his boss had been trying to get hold of him for the past two days,
got fed up, and left a message telling him he'd had enough and was fired
(he had a bit of a bad timekeeping record as it was). Talk about panic
setting in!
So he though about it for all of five minutes, then phoned his boss up
with the best but most stupidest excuse you could think of...
He told his boss he'd been in an accident, he'd been in hospital, and
that he'd got minor concussion and a broken wrist.
His boss softened, felt sorry for him, and told him to take a couple of
days rest, and to come in and see him at the end of the week... Boy, was
he in it now!
Which is where I came in... after much pleading from him, I ended up
getting bandages and a bag of plaster of Paris, and proceeded to swath
his wrist in it... voila! One instant plaster cast for a broken wrist.
His boss fell for it, and he started back at work the following week on
light duties, potting plants in the landscape nursery. He was a
miserable so and so for about six weeks - until I sawed off the cast,
because by then his "broken wrist" had healed!
He drank a lot less after that escapade - and his timekeeping got
better... It still makes me chuckle to think of the elaborate charade he
went through...
Tel
~~~~~~~~~~
http://www.tssk.co.uk
~~~~~~~~~~
Hi Buff!! I had a man call in & say his dog had swallowed car keys & he
had to wait until the dog went to the bathroom before he could come to
work!! The same guy called & said he had to ake his wife to the ER
because she'd swallowed an icecube!! Love those Buffalo chips!!! Ex Navy
man , BOB
BOB WHITE SR.
Have a good day
~~~~~~~~~
Years ago I was working at Seatrain, a shipping company. A co-worker had just
let her boyfriend move in with her. He was an Air Force pilot & had a 3-day
furlough. She didn't come into work any of the 3 days & actually told the boss,
"Mike wouldn't let me out of bed." Of course, after I met Mike, I figured she
really didn't struggle all that much to resist
him...lol
I just read a list of supposedly actual excuses on a list I sub to. One
funny one was, "My cat unplugged my alarm clock."
Patricia
~~~~~~~
as a joke one time i called my boss and told him i felt to good to go
to work. i had an employee call me last week and told me that her car
wouldnt start so the general mgr went to pick her up...lol backfired
didnt it
boyd
~~~~~~~
I once had an employee call in to report off to attend his Auntie’s funeral in
Louisiana; after three days off he returned to work and said that when he got
there she wasn’t’ dead yet and that she had recovered and was doing fine.
Emil
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